645 usually when someone my age stays out all night, it’s not to play hours of monopoly & trivial pursuit. completely sober. tonight kaya gave me this cute necklace. I REALLY LIKE IT. nick gave me new shoes (purple converse [i was talking about how i wanted new shoes earlier, A+]) and a very intriguing old camera and lens. the shoes are too big. that’s perfect. i like shoes that are a little too big. i can fit extra big socks in there. and i feel a little bit clowny. i enjoy that. there is a cut on my finger (VISIBLE ABOVE) that i got in the midst of peeling 20 lbs of carrots at 7AM thanksgiving morning. i admit, pretty badass. people thought that morrissey story was real. it was a dream. i didn’t really get to hang out with morrissey, you nuts. “thanksgiving afternoon” was the time the dream occurred. i was asleep because i had stayed awake all night and morning doing nothing and then prepping food. cool story. i like myself. i love myself. it’s a very nice thing. i feel sad when i see people whom i love (or even like, jeez) who do not like/love themselves. i often examine in retrospect the things that i say and do, the way i react to social stimuli. and sometimes i am displeased. lately i have been extremely satisfied. very good, kaleigh! ahhh, i love learning to be a better person. i hope to someday feel this way, sooner rather than later: after all these years, i find out i’m okay by myself. i don’t need you, and i never have.

645 usually when someone my age stays out all night, it’s not to play hours of monopoly & trivial pursuit. completely sober.

tonight kaya gave me this cute necklace. I REALLY LIKE IT. nick gave me new shoes (purple converse [i was talking about how i wanted new shoes earlier, A+]) and a very intriguing old camera and lens. the shoes are too big. that’s perfect. i like shoes that are a little too big. i can fit extra big socks in there. and i feel a little bit clowny. i enjoy that.

there is a cut on my finger (VISIBLE ABOVE) that i got in the midst of peeling 20 lbs of carrots at 7AM thanksgiving morning. i admit, pretty badass.

people thought that morrissey story was real. it was a dream. i didn’t really get to hang out with morrissey, you nuts. “thanksgiving afternoon” was the time the dream occurred. i was asleep because i had stayed awake all night and morning doing nothing and then prepping food. cool story.

i like myself. i love myself. it’s a very nice thing. i feel sad when i see people whom i love (or even like, jeez) who do not like/love themselves. i often examine in retrospect the things that i say and do, the way i react to social stimuli. and sometimes i am displeased. lately i have been extremely satisfied. very good, kaleigh! ahhh, i love learning to be a better person.

i hope to someday feel this way, sooner rather than later:

after all these years, i find out i’m okay by myself. i don’t need you, and i never have.

thanksgiving afternoon

i am hanging out with dad and dennis, and my dad’s like “hey guys, want to meet morrissey?” and we’re like YEAH. so he takes us to this house where there’s a nice fireplace and people sitting around listening to records. morrissey shows up and he’s shorter than i had imagined. i am shy, so i wander around the house peeking in rooms and looking for interesting things. in the bathroom, there’s a thanksgiving post card display on the counter. i pick one and start writing on it (something beautiful and concise). i look over and see morrissey standing in the doorway. “oh, sorry, do you need to use the bathroom?” i look around for my laptop and it’s on the floor next to the toilet. i pick it up and leave. i go to a room and sit down. about 2 minutes later morrissey appears in the doorway: “would you care to join me?” OF COURSE. who could say no? he leads me back to the bathroom, where he has installed a second toilet, and re-done the tiling in the bathroom. it is now large black and white checkered tiles. i think we’re going to poop together. we don’t. he sits down on one of the closed toilets and motions for me to sit at the other. we are sitting on the toilets, facing each other, with the counter with thanksgiving postcards between us. he asks me about my life. we talk for a long time. then we go to the living room and he says that he wants my dad to pick somebody up for him. “i don’t feel like going,” morrissey says. so my dad and a few other people leave to go pick somebody up for morrissey. while they’re gone, morrissey shows me his record collection and talks about how he’s trying to sell his house.

Friday, November 27, 2009
“Post a photo of something you’re thankful for!” says tumblr. i looked real quick for a family photo and this is the first semi-one i found. it’s actually just my grandparents, my great-aunt, my uncle, and my mom. but you get the idea.i am so outrageously thankful for my family. my huge, rambunctious, semi-dysfunctional, beautiful beast of a family. i have seriously never met a comparable family. i really lucked out.

“Post a photo of something you’re thankful for!” says tumblr. i looked real quick for a family photo and this is the first semi-one i found. it’s actually just my grandparents, my great-aunt, my uncle, and my mom. but you get the idea.
i am so outrageously thankful for my family. my huge, rambunctious, semi-dysfunctional, beautiful beast of a family. i have seriously never met a comparable family. i really lucked out.

1.12 i will make you get close to me ugh. the art of thinking? more like the art of farting. or crapping. or any other lame thing that all humans have automatically instilled within them. IT’S NOT AN ART. i mean okay. arguably. it IS an art. but just as goes for many other “art” forms, a book … isn’t going to help me. pointless waste of time. and to be forced to read it is an awful thing. tonight at twilight, my dad, dennis, kirk and i went for a loooong drive in the country. 60+ miles. it was very cathartic. i felt like reeeaaal good, bro. dad let me drive- his new cabrio convertible. it was a dreamy handle. fog and dark forests with bright sky GETTING DARKER and cold cold air. of course the top was down. dad and i had heated leather seats massaging our asses and a fire like heater blowing in our faces, but kirk and dennis did not. poor guys. tomorrow is thanksgiving. good gracious! how the year has gone by. what a beautiful life i lead. reflections. thank you all for playing a part in my happiness.

1.12 i will make you get close to me

ugh. the art of thinking? more like the art of farting. or crapping. or any other lame thing that all humans have automatically instilled within them. IT’S NOT AN ART. i mean okay. arguably. it IS an art. but just as goes for many other “art” forms, a book … isn’t going to help me. pointless waste of time. and to be forced to read it is an awful thing.

tonight at twilight, my dad, dennis, kirk and i went for a loooong drive in the country. 60+ miles. it was very cathartic. i felt like reeeaaal good, bro. dad let me drive- his new cabrio convertible. it was a dreamy handle. fog and dark forests with bright sky GETTING DARKER and cold cold air. of course the top was down. dad and i had heated leather seats massaging our asses and a fire like heater blowing in our faces, but kirk and dennis did not. poor guys.

tomorrow is thanksgiving. good gracious! how the year has gone by. what a beautiful life i lead. reflections. thank you all for playing a part in my happiness.

rain-quenched golden days

very smooth, very smooth. i’m digging the way i do things. i get to do EVERYTHING THAT I WANT. nothing gets crossed out, babies. morrissey next monday. i worked out missing the last class with my teacher. thanks baby. i am going to get such a hardcore, bold A in this class. photography. also lighting for photography. i got 100 sheets of photo paper today. i got mad because they didn’t offer it in lower quantities, so it was free. i’m going to start printing tomorrow. i have to find my BEST PHOTOGRAPH OF THE TERM and then print it out professionally and mount it. mat it. matttt it. matte it. ohohoho. i have no idea which photo to choose. i was thinking of doing one of the N00DZ, because they’re brash and different. interesting. i haven’t turned any of those in. it’ll be shocking. i don’t know. i need to do some landscapes and cityscapes. time to adventure, my dears. time to go out and about. sometimes i see things, and they are so beautiful, BUT THEY ARE SO FLEETING. it isn’t fair. pause! pause pause. i haven’t done homework for my writing class in 3 weeks, because my teacher was like OKAY FOR THE SECOND HALF OF THE TERM THERE ARE NO DUE DATES! JUST GET IT IN BY THE FINAL! so i have just not touched it at all. haven’t read a word in that stupid book. i’m a procrastinator, SO SUE ME!

tonight for dinner i had THE MOST EXPENSIVE PART of a lamb (YOM OMG), scallops in orange saffron sauce, and fennel. i love fennel. and lamb. and all of that stuff. also créme brûlée. DON’T MIND IF I DO. well. i got to eat all of this because avalon is in a cooking class which makes dank food. and i got out of class early, so i moseyed on down there to eat. thanks, man. then avalon took my mom and i to see NEW MOON. yes, well, we are sure to know how i feel about that, now, aren’t we? bella’s a dumb whore, TEASE!!! but the rest was dreamy. meow. i don’t even care if they follow the book to the tee. i just want to watch jacob and edward fight. HOHOHOHOHO. no not really. that made me very tense. oh dear.

SO basically the only thing my mind needs to do really is to figure out which photo of mine i want to mount. halp.

i wanna be annie leibovitz when i grow up.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009
00:00, KIDZ~! this is my “I have a holy triumvirate of zits on my chin and i hate it!!!” face. TODAY! today. road tripped. belle and sebastian singalongs with parents and dennis. most beautiful clouds, weather. extended eye contact with man of my fantasies. the dreamboat was standing outside a video store holding the same camera that i have. smiled at me. stared at me. made me feel happy. i’m thinking Clerks meets Pecker. le sigh. i am currently transferring ALL OF MY PHOTOS (over 100 gigs, HOHO) to my external hard drive. what a beezy. today was good. i did well on my test, which made me :)! and i got to help avalon with a project by giving her some photos. also :)! also made some really really good cheesy garlic bread. i win! this week’s chapter was on PARENTING. conception. i can’t imagine being a mommy. when i was little, that is ALL THAT I WANTED. when someone asked what i wanted to be when i growedz up, i said A MOTHER! weird. and so, a couple years ago, when a clairvoyant family friend predicted that i’d have one child, a boy, i had to nonchalantly leave the room so i could weep. i don’t want one child. i want a thousand! but not really. i don’t want ANY right now. and that may not change. but to be told that i’d only have one, and a BOY no less (PFF) was very disappointing. isn’t that odd? i also can’t imagine a partner. no daddy. daddy’s gotta go. i refuse to not-get-my-way in GENERAL, and i imagine that when it came to something as important as parenting, i’d be even more stubborn and unerring. so that’s a no. anyway. i was thinking about it a lot. and thinking about how much MY mother has sacrificed for me and my siblings. she has dedicated literally her entire life from the age of 17 to us! that is wild. she just turned 40 last month. children are expensive. i am expensive. you are expensive. we are expensive. i’ve been listening to velvet underground for hours. it’s made me quite content. smiles abound.

00:00, KIDZ~! this is my “I have a holy triumvirate of zits on my chin and i hate it!!!” face.

TODAY! today. road tripped. belle and sebastian singalongs with parents and dennis. most beautiful clouds, weather. extended eye contact with man of my fantasies. the dreamboat was standing outside a video store holding the same camera that i have. smiled at me. stared at me. made me feel happy. i’m thinking Clerks meets Pecker. le sigh.

i am currently transferring ALL OF MY PHOTOS (over 100 gigs, HOHO) to my external hard drive. what a beezy. today was good. i did well on my test, which made me :)! and i got to help avalon with a project by giving her some photos. also :)! also made some really really good cheesy garlic bread. i win!

this week’s chapter was on PARENTING. conception. i can’t imagine being a mommy. when i was little, that is ALL THAT I WANTED. when someone asked what i wanted to be when i growedz up, i said A MOTHER! weird. and so, a couple years ago, when a clairvoyant family friend predicted that i’d have one child, a boy, i had to nonchalantly leave the room so i could weep. i don’t want one child. i want a thousand! but not really. i don’t want ANY right now. and that may not change. but to be told that i’d only have one, and a BOY no less (PFF) was very disappointing. isn’t that odd? i also can’t imagine a partner. no daddy. daddy’s gotta go. i refuse to not-get-my-way in GENERAL, and i imagine that when it came to something as important as parenting, i’d be even more stubborn and unerring. so that’s a no. anyway. i was thinking about it a lot. and thinking about how much MY mother has sacrificed for me and my siblings. she has dedicated literally her entire life from the age of 17 to us! that is wild. she just turned 40 last month. children are expensive. i am expensive. you are expensive. we are expensive.

i’ve been listening to velvet underground for hours. it’s made me quite content. smiles abound.

kiss me goodbye, i'm defying gravity

when conversing, i don’t believe there is a “nice” way to convey that you are NOT interested in the speaker’s subject. this guy was trying to tell me about this comic book he was making, about sausages, and i really DID NOT CARE. gosh! just go away. well, there are times for it, and there are times for not-it. sometimes i am tolerant, and other times i am not. i have been revamping my SOCIAL IMAGE by being 93% open, honest and kind. mostly it is because i am repulsed by everything that everyone says, and i am trying to be somebody whom i would like if i were to meet myself. which is tough. because i am very much an elitist.

i left my laptop at lane and cara’s tonight. WHOOPSIES. it was a busy day. this day was a busy day. night. day. night. day n night.

in other news, ANOTHER CONNECTION! re-connection. “i read your blog.” i laughed. hi.

http://www.iamneurotic.com/

oh, yeah, i can relate. night-night.

Friday, November 20, 2009
my paternal grandma is second from the right.

my paternal grandma is second from the right.

maybe you don't love me, but you'll grow to love me even more

i enjoy being myself immensely. sometimes i let my mind eat itself, thinking about how i will only ever have my perspective. no matter how my perspective changes, it will always be mine. there is no alternative. everybody sees only his or her life. that is all. there is nothing else. i will never know what it is like to be you, and you will never ever know what it is like to be me. ISN’T THAT WILD? that idea itself is exciting and terrifying to me. i wish that i could experience being somebody else for a moment. just to see what it’s like. i bet everybody thinks so differently. i mean, obviously. but isn’t that just crazy! i also would like to know what it feels like to be a bird. i’LL BE YR BIRD. everything i do is my choice, and everything you do is your choice. mind blowing. during the past week or two, i’ve strived to be as honest and kind as possible. it is amazing. i am happy. i’ve also noticed that a lot of people whom i have categorized as “passive” have their own thoughts and emotions, too. wild. when i do something, people (even passive people) judge me according to what i’ve chosen to do, and they translate it and turn it into their idea of me. so strange. sometimes it’s spot on, and sometimes it isn’t. peculiar. life is so bizarre.

the other day dennis and i were getting out of my car and i started singing BOOM BOOM POW. a girl walking by laughed and said that i made her day. that makes me happy. i love being a cheery presence in other people’s lives. now when i hear that song i think of that scenario. HELLO, LADIES. many art projects are underway. i love it when people are impressed. yes, i deserve praise, thanks for noticing. ZING!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

yes, you've made yourself very plain.

did i already say that i’m feeling very “over it” lately? i know overall that it is important, and that i should do something to keep it breathing, but i have absolutely no motivation to, and i also have no idea what i could possibly do to revive it. i am very indifferent. i am feeling very apathetic towards most things lately. besides my camera, basically. i am trying to remember back to last year. is it the season? did this stuff happen then? was i feeling like, “who cares?” i am wondering if this is routine, or if there is something wrong with me. i mean, i am getting my school work done, but socially i am feeling reclusive and abstinent and when i DO go out i am like “OHHHH. this is why i stay away!”

bright eyes is treating me well tonight. i wish i had a record player that flipped the record over for me. now THAT would be luxurious! i am comfy in bed. cold feet snugged up in wool socks. i love my bed! i have been too busy lately. i need to have some alone time with my bed. hey bed, have you missed me?

i wonder what will happen. i wonder, i do. i want to gush and complain and have somebody be okay with it. the best feeling in the world is when i am being the most annoying moron ever and somebody is alright with it, and tells me they love me. at this very moment, i feel as if there is no one i can talk to. i am kind of… savoring it. it’s a strange feeling. maybe i need to spend some time relying solely on myself for entertainment, advice, praise, criticism, affirmation, validation, etc. how can i trust you when i see you lie to yourself and others on a daily basis? i’ve got to build myself up, so when you disappoint me for the millionth time, it doesn’t hurt as bad.

i wish that i could float throughout life unaffected by some people.

oh, one thing that offends me more than others is being interrupted. I AM SPEAKING, YOU CLOWN.

Saturday, November 14, 2009
(via ennuileigh)

(via ennuileigh)

tarobaugnon: Mondayy 9:03pm Sitting on couch, trying to do homework. Being distracted. today was kind of interesting, started out all normal, then went to hang out with mac and dustin, under the assumption we were going to mcdonalds. Dustin kept driving, from their apartment, past river road all the way out around highway 99, and I was like, wherrre are we goingg. They had this all planned out I guess, we went to a STRIP CLUB. It was all egyptian themed, it might have been called the pyramid, or the tomb or something. I had never been to one before, but it was about what I’d expect. The dancers were alright, I thought it was funny/awkward, but I guess it’s a sort of rite of passage to MANHOOD. the other guys there were real exemplary gentlemen. JK they were terrible. it’s called THE NILE, taro, and i love your guts.

tarobaugnon:

Mondayy 9:03pm

Sitting on couch, trying to do homework. Being distracted.

today was kind of interesting, started out all normal, then went to hang out with mac and dustin, under the assumption we were going to mcdonalds. Dustin kept driving, from their apartment, past river road all the way out around highway 99, and I was like, wherrre are we goingg. They had this all planned out I guess, we went to a STRIP CLUB.

It was all egyptian themed, it might have been called the pyramid, or the tomb or something. I had never been to one before, but it was about what I’d expect. The dancers were alright, I thought it was funny/awkward, but I guess it’s a sort of rite of passage to MANHOOD. the other guys there were real exemplary gentlemen. JK they were terrible.

it’s called THE NILE, taro, and i love your guts.

236 hello world i’m your wild girl WHAT A GOOD DAY. i am feeling very happy. been listening to some disney music. particularly pocahontas. makes me teary-eyed every time. it is rare to find a trio that is worthy. i don’t like hanging out in groups of three, or four for that matter. no thanks. one on one is enough stimulation for me. but sometimes there are two other people who just work. last night i got some amazing sleep. i got a new blanket, which is SUPER SOFT AND AMAZING and the most cuddly thing on earth, basically. i slept like an infant in the womb, i imagine. i also got 3 new AMAZING pairs of leggings. i am wearing one right now. they make me feel great. jeans are for fucking freaks. i’m a square. L7 WEENIE. tonight i’m making sushi. sushi-ushi-ushi. today i went to a pinhole camera class. got some aamaaaazing photos. the woman who was hosting the class saw my developed picture at the end and insisted that she show it to jim dotson. owner of dot dotson’s. that made me feel important. heh heh heh. my life is so funny.  i have a canker sore on my tongue and it is similar to torture. IT’S HARD TO EAT. what about the sushi? damn. as always, my hair is long. it’s a liability.

236 hello world i’m your wild girl

WHAT A GOOD DAY. i am feeling very happy. been listening to some disney music. particularly pocahontas. makes me teary-eyed every time.

it is rare to find a trio that is worthy. i don’t like hanging out in groups of three, or four for that matter. no thanks. one on one is enough stimulation for me. but sometimes there are two other people who just work. last night i got some amazing sleep. i got a new blanket, which is SUPER SOFT AND AMAZING and the most cuddly thing on earth, basically. i slept like an infant in the womb, i imagine. i also got 3 new AMAZING pairs of leggings. i am wearing one right now. they make me feel great. jeans are for fucking freaks. i’m a square. L7 WEENIE. tonight i’m making sushi. sushi-ushi-ushi.

today i went to a pinhole camera class. got some aamaaaazing photos. the woman who was hosting the class saw my developed picture at the end and insisted that she show it to jim dotson. owner of dot dotson’s. that made me feel important. heh heh heh. my life is so funny.  i have a canker sore on my tongue and it is similar to torture. IT’S HARD TO EAT. what about the sushi? damn. as always, my hair is long. it’s a liability.

108p thighs like wut wut wut wearing contacts for the first time in WEEKS AND WEEKS. feels nice. smells like pizza in my room. makes me hungry. distant family drama, taking Raven to PDX today. tonight hopefully eating some nutella cake. i do not know. i wish i had some photographer friends. nobody gets it. it’s so beautiful out today. LOOK AT THE SKY. can’t stop staring. this may be why i need glasses. just kidding. must get shoed/socked. ready for milkshake.

108p thighs like wut wut wut

wearing contacts for the first time in WEEKS AND WEEKS. feels nice. smells like pizza in my room. makes me hungry. distant family drama, taking Raven to PDX today. tonight hopefully eating some nutella cake. i do not know. i wish i had some photographer friends. nobody gets it.

it’s so beautiful out today. LOOK AT THE SKY. can’t stop staring. this may be why i need glasses. just kidding. must get shoed/socked. ready for milkshake.

1132p i’d rather start all over again again, awake early this morning. yesterday’s walk wasn’t outrageously fruitful, but it was very relaxing. today i am babysitting tobias, going house-hunting, and then hanging out with my best friend from 6th/7th grade. she looks so great. like a GOOD PERSON. i suppose one can’t quite accurately determine such things from a facebook profile, but… well, she looks very nice. maybe we will see a movie. we’ll see. OH I GOT MY CAR FIXED! the right speaker works, my dash lights are back, as are my tail lights, and my right headlight isn’t dim anymore! WeEoeoeoOOOEeweeeeeee. cool butts. well i better go shower. so i can be ready for my STUFF. stuff. stufffff. oh also my teacher has proclaimed that at least one of my photographs will be in the Media Arts Show at the end of the year. jeez! thanks guise!!! i know it isn’t that great, and it will probably be extremely infantile, but i am so happy about it. i didn’t even know this even existed! and i’m in! cha-ching.

1132p i’d rather start all over again

again, awake early this morning. yesterday’s walk wasn’t outrageously fruitful, but it was very relaxing. today i am babysitting tobias, going house-hunting, and then hanging out with my best friend from 6th/7th grade. she looks so great. like a GOOD PERSON. i suppose one can’t quite accurately determine such things from a facebook profile, but… well, she looks very nice. maybe we will see a movie. we’ll see.

OH I GOT MY CAR FIXED! the right speaker works, my dash lights are back, as are my tail lights, and my right headlight isn’t dim anymore! WeEoeoeoOOOEeweeeeeee. cool butts. well i better go shower. so i can be ready for my STUFF. stuff. stufffff.

oh also my teacher has proclaimed that at least one of my photographs will be in the Media Arts Show at the end of the year. jeez! thanks guise!!! i know it isn’t that great, and it will probably be extremely infantile, but i am so happy about it. i didn’t even know this even existed! and i’m in! cha-ching.

Next page →